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Friday, February 7, 2014

FFS!? Friday : Asking the big questions

The Question Fairy once woke me in this get up, minus the boots.
She had been put to bed in standard issue pyjamas.
I have no idea what/when/why/how.....

Miss5 is an inquisitive sort.  FFS!? / No FFS!?

All day, every day with the questions.  FFS!?

And now she has taken to waking in the night with burning questions, which she then must have answered immediately.  FFS!?

At all hours.  FFS!?

Right as I'm drifting off to sleep, thus completely waking me up so that I can't get to sleep as I continue to spend a ridiculous amount of time pondering her question.  FFS!?

Once, pre-dawn, when I had only just got back to sleep after waking up to a noise about an hour prior, and then having to convince myself not to throw the kids out the upstairs bedroom window, because there was not  a stranger downstairs searching for the sharpest, pointiest knife.  FFS!?

Nevermind the whole parent of young kids thing, meaning I am perpetually tired full stop.  FFS!?

Having my sleep interrupted is a huge no-no.  All 3 kids were born with the survival instinct to know this, and never really cried or woke during the night (you're allowed to hate me a little for that).  So I am slowly losing my shit with all the broken sleep thanks to Miss5 and her burning questions at random hours.  FFS!?

Here are a sample of recent hard hitting questions that have roused me from my slumber :

On the night light....

11:48pm - How many times does the night light change colour?
                Can I count it?
                I can count to a thousand hundred and eleven, you know.

11:51pm - Why doesn't the night light have orange?

11:52pm - Why doesn't the night light do stripes?

11:54pm - Can I have a new night light that does orange and stripes?

On scratches....

9:18pm - Who did this scratch (points to her arm)?
              How do you know?
              Why is it there?
              When will it go away?
              What will fix it?
              If I lick it will it go away?
              Why doesn't it hurt?

9:22pm - I just licked it and it doesn't hurt.

On carpet....

6:08am - What's carpet made of?
              No it's not.
              I think it's made form farts, ahahahaha

6:11am - Does carpet have ears?
             Well then why do I have to be quiet?

6:12am - Joel's awake, but it wasn't me. I didn't make him come awake.

On blankets....

5:38am - Who put that blanket on me?
              When did you do that?
              Why did you do that?

5:39am - I wanted the other blanket.
              I want a Dora blanket.  Can I have a Dora blanket?

5:40am - My baby wants a Dora blanket.

On sleep....

5:43am - Why do we sleep?
              Do we have to sleep in a bed?
              Can we sleep in the pantry?  I might get hungry.

5:45am - Oh wait. Or the toilet. In case I need to do a poops, ahahahaha.

5:48am - Bottom

What shits me the most, once her questions are answered, she can immediately fall asleep again.  While I am wide awake pondering why the night light doesn't turn orange, if I still have Miss8's old Dora blanket to give her, how she got the scratch on her arm, and whether or not there is a completely harmless, organic, corn fed, farm bred, free range, fair trade, Rain Forest Alliance certified child sedative that will ensure she does not wake me up in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning.  FFS!?


  1. My technical genius has seen all the comments made on this post via Google+ Comments erased. My apologies! I have fixed it (gave it a stern talking to) and reverted back to normal Blogger style commenting (more apologies for the nasty Disqus Captcha that you'll have to put up with once again).

  2. 'Why do we sleep/' is a great question, I still have no idea


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