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Friday, February 14, 2014

FFS!? Friday : School's back

Please note:  There will be no Valentine's themed post because I have been loved up / shacked up with #1Hubby for a grand total of almost 18 years.  Our version of romance is him letting me control the TV remote and staying in the room with the iPad to sit next to me while I watch the Real Housewives of the world.  Togetherness, yo.

I had been hoping to have started work on a couple of dents on this bad boy by now.
One in the shape of my head, the other my backside.

School is finally back in session after the painfully long summer break.  No FFS!?

It's the first year that all members of The Feral Threesome are full time.  No FFS!?

I had grand plans of becoming a lady who lunches.  No FFS!?

Maybe not every day, unless you count Subway consumed on the lounge in all my elastic waisted pants glory.  (Still, even that is a No FFS!?).

I envisioned days spent swanning around the shops, stopping for a flat white somewhere delightfully peaceful and not remotely child-friendly.  No FFS!?

I even went so far as to imagine myself spending whole days going through one room of the house a day, cleaning it out from top to bottom and organising everything.  No FFS!?  /  FFS!?

So we are now 2 weeks in to the new, child-free school year.

I spent most of the first 2 days at school.  FFS!?

Last week I spent an entire day emptying the hand and bucket.  FFS!?

I have entertained, but not how I had imagined.  I have welcomed and coffee'd up a plumber, an electrician and a TV guy all on consecutive days.  FFS!?

And paid heftily for the privilege.  FFS!?

I've made a couple of mad dashes to the shops.  If you count Medicare and groceries.  FFS!?

Oh and the bank.  Where I sat and waited over 40 minutes in order to open the kids' school bank accounts.  FFS!?

I have had three days at home.  Just three.

Two of those #1Hubby was working from home.  FFS!?

ONCE I have been for coffee with my best friends.  And because they still have kids at home (suck it), we went to the exact same spot we used to visit every Wednesday last year, which has a massive indoor kiddy play area.  Full of kids.  And kiddy noise.  And suspicious sticky patches over all of the things.  FFS!?

My greatest achievement over the past 2 weeks of child-free days has been finally getting around to making kale chips for the first time, before the kale wilts and shrivels and is tossed.  No FFS!?  /  FFS!?

So bloody awful.  And believe me, I felt truly wanky writing about it.  FFS!?

Am equal parts devastated and disgusted that I've not been given a legitimate opportunity/excuse to indulge in a wet lunch.  FFS!?

Likewise, that I have not sat on the lounge and flicked the TV on. Not. One. Single. Time.  FFS!?

In fact, I would go so far as to declare myself busier and far more exhausted than when the kids were at home.  FFS!?

Child-free stay at home mother - you're doing it wrong.  FFS!?


  1. What no long liquid lunches?? Don't tell me the dream is over! Kids don't go to school until they are 5 here (I think). There is no 4 year old kindy ... NOTHING. I suggest you pamper yourself at least one day a week PP xx

    1. I am trying to work towards that. The guilt of not having done any of the domestic stuff I had planned to do while home sans kids totally gets in the way. So, Mexican standoff style, I do nothing instead.

  2. It doesn't sound like this is turning out anything like you planned (which I think is definitely a FFS!) I hope you are able to get it together sometime soon. On the upside - they have 12 more years of schooling to get through - I am sure there will be plenty of opportunities for liquid lunches and swanning around making dents in the bad boy pictured above !!!
    Have the best Friday you can !

    1. I'm considering enrolling them all in boarding school and moving to Bali for the cheaper lifestyle that will fund their outrageously expensive boarding school. It sounds like an extreme solution, but it's the best idea I've come up with thus far.

  3. I LOVED reading this, strangely refreshing! Especially the first paragraph re valentines day lol

  4. The kale, that's me. I've learnt have no expectations and ye shall not be diasappointed. I try to have vague inklings of what I might possibly achieve that way when I get stuck doing all the mundane shit that takes forever I just feel happy that I have accomplished anything at all. Then when I do finally go out and do something just for me it's a deadset hallelujah moment worth savouring every minute of :)

    1. Totally. I was inexplicably overjoyed to see my stove top sparkle on Thursday. One single 10 minute job and I lived on the domestic glory all day.

  5. PLenty of time left to become a lady who lunches...but you need to spend more time hanging around the school gate first making new friends who are neither knocked up or with bubs at home. No point heading out to lunch to kid city when you could be discovering a whole new world of quiet hushed tones, only disturbed by your own racous laughter as the numerous glasses of white sink in

    1. Exactly right. Maybe I should hang around the senior side of the school. Surely those mothers are more likely to be completely child-free. I can then pick a few unsuspecting targets and work out which ones are likely to have better quality booze and zero standards regarding day time drinking.

  6. Your opening sentence re: watching The Real Housewives of wherever sounds like something which would happen at our house! I hope you are able to enjoy a few liquid lunches soon!

  7. Get crap done early then retreat to the couch the next 6 or however many weeks are left in the school term. You've got plenty of time to work out your routine. Made me laugh this post did!

    1. I like your thinking. I mopped the floors before taking the kids to school the other day. Was all kinds of smug when I got home at 9am and everything was done.

  8. It makes going to work look pretty attractive doesn't it? And believe me it doesn't get any better once they leave high school. I stupidly assumed that I would have oodles of spare time once that happened. I don't.

    1. It sure does. Even if only to fund boarding schools and a cleaner.


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