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Friday, March 14, 2014

FFS!? Friday : Multi faceted whining

Have started and deleted this post far too many times.  FFS?

This week I am without a whine worthy of a whole post.

Instead, I have multiple mini whines.

You're welcome.



Bathers
Image Credit

High Rise Swimmers
Saddlebags and Muffin tops are heading South for the summer

Is it not enough that I am having to come to close personal terms with new undies?  FFS!?

Now I am tackling bathers.  FFS!?

Am off to Bali for a child-free week at the end of the month (No FFS!?), and just tried on my old bathers.

The ones from yesteryear which now resemble an old, shrivelled balloon when worn.  FFS!?

As any poorly timed novice would, I went out in search of new bathers right as the end of Summer sales had ceased and the shops are filled with winter clothing.  FFS!?

The only swimwear apparel I could find were pricey new season cozzies that are insanely expensive and also ridiculously high cut.  FFS!?

Apparently the new trend is letting your muffin top out from the bottom.  FFS!?



Pinterest
Image Credit

Lost an entire afternoon while searching for one single recipe.  FFS!?

Went back the next day and lost more time and brain power over all of the booze ideas I am convinced I will be far more successful recreating than I was with the gourmet foods.  FFS!?

Conclusion:  Vodka is vodka no matter how you dress it up, so stop wasting time and just knock it back with soda water and half a lemon squeezed into it.  No FFS!?



Candy Crush
Image Credit

Don't even get me started.

Have missed vital parenting moments in the pursuit of level 350.  FFS!?

Still to pass level 350.  FFS!?



Bodily Functions
Image Credit

One of the kids refuses to flush.  FFS!?

None of them will own up to it.  FFS!?

It is just unspeakably horrifying to innocently wander into an unflushed loo.  FFS!?

Also, had to get a urine sample from one of the kids this week.  FFS!?

They refused to hold the container.  FFS!?

They have lousy aim.  FFS!?

My thighs are still screaming from the amount of time spent crouched down, holding a cup under their bits, waiting for them to deign to wee.  FFS!?

We are both emotionally traumatised by the experience.  But mostly me.  I am scarred.  FFS!?







3 comments:

  1. Oh the things we do as mothers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Togs: one of those halter neck things that cover tummy and short boardies - that's my attired - covers it all!
    CCS: think I only got passed it cos used a candy whacker or 3 that I won on the magical spinning daily wheel
    Wee sample: Hate to get one from my boy, wasn't thinking, thought he has just a small well, he wasn't over the toilet, did a stand up wee, filled the cup, then couldn't stop so sprayed me and the floor and everything once cup full - WINNING!
    Bali: Hate you ( just kidding, just jealous)
    Vodka: with glass full of ice, a lemon freshly squeezed, dash of salt, in small glass, with cut off straw, might have one early - it's the weekend!!

    ReplyDelete

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