Exactly the kind of mistake I would make.
My dazzling knowledge has hit a wall.
I figured I had years left of answering all the kids' questions, helping with their homework, knowing everything in their eyes.
Why the sky is blue.
Why Dora never gets any older.
Why peas are green.
Exactly when the wobbly tooth will come out.
Where Santa goes for holidays.
You name it, I have an answer for it.
But now that Miss8 has hit Grade 3, I have been defeated.
By both maths and geography.
Says a lot about my intelligence that I have been stumped three times by year three maths, in the three weeks that Miss8 has been bringing worksheets home.
I'm like an idiot to the power of three.
Cubed, right? I'm checking before making the statement. Because apparently I'm a moron when it comes to basic year 3 math.
Ok, so I Googled it. I am officially an idiot cubed.
I spent an hour trying to work out columns of hundreds on a blank grid that only had numbers in the tens written below it.
Last week I was done in by a sum requiring me to fill in the blank :
___ + 12 = 8
They haven't touched on negatives, so either it's a typo or something other than -4 is the correct answer.
Turns out it was a typo, and while that gives me some small peace of mind that I'm not a total dumbshit, it doesn't get me back the 40 minutes I spent trying to work it out.
Then there was the circular diagram with blanks to fill in the plus or minus, so the numbers made sense.
Don't even get me started. I got so lost on that one I faked migraine and told Miss8 to ask her teacher the next day, and explain that Mummy was too sick to help her - lest the teacher realise I am dumber than the kids in her class.
Because I've come across as totally intelligent thus far....
Geography. I can't even.
There's a reason I live on an island nation that is bordered by water.
It is so I don't get lost. Don't wander across a border accidentally.
I am now off to silently rock in a corner, awaiting the day Miss8 can take over the family finances and we will be rich on account of someone with superior number skills being in charge.