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Monday, March 17, 2014

Homework : Screwed to the power of three.

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Exactly the kind of mistake I would make.

My dazzling knowledge has hit a wall.

I figured I had years left of answering all the kids' questions, helping with their homework, knowing everything in their eyes.

Why the sky is blue.

Why Dora never gets any older.

Why peas are green.

Exactly when the wobbly tooth will come out.

Where Santa goes for holidays.

You name it, I have an answer for it.

But now that Miss8 has hit Grade 3, I have been defeated.

By both maths and geography.

Says a lot about my intelligence that I have been stumped three times by year three maths, in the three weeks that Miss8 has been bringing worksheets home.

I'm like an idiot to the power of three.

Cubed, right?  I'm checking before making the statement.  Because apparently I'm a moron when it comes to basic year 3 math.

Ok, so I Googled it.  I am officially an idiot cubed.


Jazz hands


I spent an hour trying to work out columns of hundreds on a blank grid that only had numbers in the tens written below it.

Last week I was done in by a sum requiring me to fill in the blank :

___  +  12  =  8

They haven't touched on negatives, so either it's a typo or something other than  -4  is the correct answer.

Turns out it was a typo, and while that gives me some small peace of mind that I'm not a total dumbshit, it doesn't get me back the 40 minutes I spent trying to work it out.

Then there was the circular diagram with blanks to fill in the plus or minus, so the numbers made sense.

Don't even get me started.  I got so lost on that one I faked migraine and told Miss8 to ask her teacher the next day, and explain that Mummy was too sick to help her - lest the teacher realise I am dumber than the kids in her class.

Because I've come across as totally intelligent thus far....

Geography.  I can't even.

There's a reason I live on an island nation that is bordered by water.

It is so I don't get lost.  Don't wander across a border accidentally.

I am now off to silently rock in a corner, awaiting the day Miss8 can take over the family finances and we will be rich on account of someone with superior number skills being in charge.


  1. I just want to clue you into a scary fact. You don't actually have to be that bright to be a teacher and this will probably be a first in a long line of stupid things that teachers do. Once I got a B for a poem that I'd written for my grade 8 son (and I NEVER get B's) for using the word 'communing'. The teacher had never heard of it before and when I let her know it was in the dictionary she told me that it was probably an old dictionary. And what? That makes the word invalid? Yes, it was an old dictionary bitch but the word is still a real word!!!
    Can you tell that I'm still bitter? I think I hide it rather well.

  2. Ha ha - I wrote a note to my daughter's teacher saying that there were no numbers that matched, as that is what was required, I felt quite smug, but she wrote back saying that I had misinterpreted, that is GRADE ONE - dumb shit award right here. And I actually thought I'd be smoking hot at kid's homework, mind you it was maths, and I did cabbage maths at high school so that's my defence x

    1. Good point - my kids are at an immediate disadvantage, as I too did cabbage maths. I can knock them up a letterbox from grid paper, but that's about it.

  3. I earned my stepson a c last week by using the phrase 'mental challenge' in a research project. The teacher knew mstr 10 doesn't have enough learnin to know words like that...oops and ffs.

    1. To think that you get punished for trying to help your kids succeed. I bet the Tiger Mothers do their kids' homework...


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