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Monday, March 3, 2014

Thumbs down

Image Credit

Have ordered 2 for #1Pop's Birthday
1 for now and 1 spare

On Thursday night #1Pop called to say he was just about to get in the car and drive down to the city.

Said he had to see a Doctor the next morning, and it was easier to drive down the night before than get up really early on the day.

Which totally made sense to me.

Except he had left out a few minor details....

  1.  He was driving down for surgery
  2. On the left thumb that he had just chopped off about a quarter of via a saw.
  3. He is a Type 2 diabetic, meaning they are susceptible to bleeding from fingers and toes.  Including giant man thumbs that are missing the entire top and a chunk of the side.

Details, people.  It is all in the details.

So like any stubborn 78 year old type 2 diabetic currently bleeding from a missing quarter thumb on his dominant hand required to drive his large manual vehicle, he drove himself almost 200km to the city.

Sans sling, that the local Silver Chain nurse had put around his neck, which he left on but refused to use.

Because he is stupidly stubborn hard core.

Upon arrival he brandished close up graphic images of his three quarter thumb for the beloved grandchildren to faux vomit over.

It was truly disgusting, and probably the most exciting thing he's ever shown up with.

Which says a lot in the scheme of ginger kittens, hand made wooden toys and an endless supply of lollies, chocolates and ice creams.

Oh, in case you were wondering, #1Nana, his beloved wife, was otherwise occupied.

She was busy working a sausage sizzle at the local sporting club back in town, before heading off for a long weekend bowling event in a neighbouring town.

Bro's before Ho's in reverse, or something like that.

Oh yes I did, #1Nana.  I totally outed your exceptionally casual, long distance involvement in your beloved's injury mamagement plan.

So I took over as the matriarch of the family.

I fed and watered #1Pop.

I stayed with him during the inevitable delays between appointments at the hospital the following morning.

I bought him a racing form guide and stole a pen from one of the nursing stations so that he would have something to do once admitted, while waiting his turn in the surgical queue.

I was like the most awesome daughter in the universe.

I was totally winning at the caring family member who should be at the top of the inheritance totem pole thing.

All the while I was texting #1Nana, keeping her informed of how #1Pop was, and advising her that she was almost completely obsolete now that I was taking care of business.

It was a sweet wave of martyrdom and self-importance with a side of holier than thou Mother Theresa caring for the elderly.

Which came crashing down when #1Pop called me right as I was picking the kids up from school (and planning my first afternoon cocktail), to say that he may not be out until 8pm or 9pm at night, because the surgical schedule was backed up.

Son of a....

A Friday.  A long weekend Friday.

No wine, no vodka tonic, not a whiff of booze on a Friday night of a long weekend, while waiting for the all-clear to go back and pick #1Pop up from hospital.

Obviously I phoned the hospital multiple times after that to check on his progress, under the guise of concerned relative, when really, I was just anxious to find out how long until I would be able to have a drink.

Finally, at 7:30pm I got the call to say he was ready to come home.

On the drive back he regaled me with the story about how he'd chopped the thumb off on the exact same ye olde worlde saw that his own father had chopped a thumb off on, decades earlier.

My own #1Pop had lopped off his entire thumb, picked it up and taken it to hospital to see if they could reattach it.

They couldn't.

Therefore my Dad didn't bother trying to find the hunk of thumb that he lopped off, since obviously they couldn't be reattached.

Even with 40+ years of modern medical advancement....

At least evolution is working.  A full thumb lost by his father, a quarter thumb by him.  I expect my brother will be next, and it will be a mere paper cut by that stage.

I suggested #1Pop get #1Nana to go find the thumb when she gets home from her long weekend bowling vacay, which got the thumbs up from #1Pop.


  1. Ughh - men and their tools! My husband managed to hack into his finger tendons with an angle grinder last year. Yeah that was a fun few weeks of having him rehab at home.

    1. OMG, the recovery is the whiniest/worst.

      #1Pop is due to hit the casinos of Macau in a couple of weeks. He's fretting that his pokie button thumb may not be better in time.


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