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Friday, June 20, 2014

FFS!? Friday : Crying over spilled wine

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This week's FFS!? Friday is bought to you by Wednesday.

Or, as I like to call it, HELLONEARTHDAY.  FFS!?

It stared with being late for school.

On the day of Miss8's class assembly.  FFS!?

Totally forgot to organise her costume for their performance that she had been harassing me about for weeks.  FFS!?

The only remotely cheerleaderish costume options were, of course, sitting in the washing machine waiting to be washed.  FFS!?

Sprayed it all with "Fresh Linen" scented toilet spray.  Shoved it on her and said a silent prayer to the Vodka Gods that she'd be in the back row.  FFS!?

Arrived at school and realised we'd forgotten the kids' weekly banking.  FFS!?

Not wanting to be late for assembly, I promised they could make up for it by banking double the next week.

They were almost placated by this offer, when suddenly, shit got real.  FFS!?

Skipping a week's banking would result in them each being short a token for the missed week.  Causing the world as we know it to implode, on account of them being one whole week further away from the next 10-token piece of crap reward.  FFS!?

All the woe is me drama.  FFS!?

Reluctantly left the most awesome parking spot on the school perimeter to race home and get their banking.  FFS!?

Couldn't find it.  FFS!?

Used every shed word in my vocabulary and knocked over an almost full bottle of wine in my frantic search.  FFS!?

For a split second I considered licking the bench by way of cleaning up.  FFS!? / No FFS!?

This would never have happened with a cask.  FFS!?

Kids were yelling at me from the car.  Ranty pants firmly wedged in place, I shouted at them to STFU while I looked.  FFS!?

Another few minutes passed and I gave up and stormed back out to the car.  FFS!?

Where the kids were waving their banking folders in the air like they just didn't care, oh yeah.....FFS!?

Seriously...who completely misses three ridiculously bright yellow folders against a car interior of grey/black?  FFS!?

The generously proportioned moron who sat on them, that's who.  FFS!?

Spent the rest of my Wednesday alternating between lamenting the apparent size and cushioning of my arse, and the spilled wine.  FFS!?

Did a few squats at work, that should fix it.  No FFS!?


  1. I hear you on losing stuff under my butt or down the seat and I'd so lick the bench.
    Squats I love them (now) but have nothing my increasing rear end.
    Have a great weekend and Jules reckons a pillow fight fixes everything.

    1. If I went the pillow fight option, is it PC parenting to use the exepnsive, heavy, fully filled pillows? You know, just to make sure there will be only one child left conscious/standing in the end?

  2. Ohhh, the banking tokens... I hear you...

    1. Someone is screwing with me - one child has an extra token for some unknown reason. Am positively terrified of what will happen when they realise

  3. That gives a whole new meaning to hump day.

  4. Oh, school banking! I can write an ode about it, too. Ours is on Thursdays and we have a few other things to remember for Thursdays, too - library bag, speech and what else was there? Always miss something.

    1. Thursday is a killer for us too - library, news. They'll probably change our banking to Thursday now, just to screw with me further. Will have to invest in a crane to carry all of the things to school.

  5. This is why we don't do school banking because I would always forget it!! Squats at work? You over achiever you!


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