Respect. Being my child, Mstr5 enjoys the great rappers of our time, so I even deferred to Snoop Dogg for some sage advice to DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT....to no avail.
What does one do when their child insists on holding their boy bits, like, ALL THE TIME?
I'm asking, because I'm out of ideas on how to stop Mstr5 holding hands with himself, so to speak.
It's clearly a male thing, as neither of my girls grab their bits.
To be honest, I've probably left it a bit late to be asking.
He's been holding on for dear life for a good 2-3 years now.
I'm not confident I can break the habit.
Here are just a few of my failed attempts at convincing him to drop it.
Firstly, the threats....
If you don't stop holding it, it will fall off
If you don't stop holding it, it won't grow
If you don't stop holding it, I'll take Goggy (beloved stuffed toy of choice) away
If you don't stop holding it, I'm going to make you eat mashed potato for the rest of your life. Even for school lunches. Cold.
When they failed, I went to the next step - bargaining....
If you stop holding it you don't have to eat pumpkin
If you stop holding it you won't have to brush your teeth (total false promise, which he saw through)
If you stop holding it, I'll take you to the dollar shop (failed because he knows he goes every week with the #1Grandparents, regardless of his boy bits holding ways)
If you stop holding it I will buy you a pony (another totally false promise that he also saw through)
Following those failures, I decided to probe a little deeper into the why....
Me : Why are you holding it?
Him : Because
Me : Because why?
Him : Just because
Me : But there must be a reason why?
Him : Nope
Me : Do you hold it when you need to go to the toilet?
Him : No, that's silly Mummy, ahahahahaha
Me : Do you hold it when you're scared / sad / tired / upset?
Him : You're a poops head, ahahahhaha
Me : No really, Mstr5, you can tell me?
Him : Poops head poops head poops head ahahahahaha
The final straw, begging, pleading, wreaking of desperation....
Me : What would it take for you to stop holding it?
Him : Adventure Time
Me : The TV show?
Him : Yes
Me : Ok, great! So do you want to watch it?
Him : No
Me : Do you want a toy from the show?
Him : No
Me : Do you want a water bottle with Finn or Jake on it?
Him : No
Me : Do you want a toy B-mo?
Him : No
Me : WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Him : Ahahahahhaha (commences singing Adventure Time theme song)
I give up....mothers of boys, how did you get them to stop holding it?
I fear the downward spiral into a life of crime via gang association, being that he already has the standard pose down - hand on crotch, pants often falling low enough to show a small portion of butt crack. I need to sort this shit out before he's spotted and someone attempts to recruit him.
Or is he just an early discoverer of what he will never ever let go of as he grows into teenager-hood?
Please tell me it's not that.
|Then I got all distracted by the delightful Pharrell Williams and visions of our future life together with him worshipping my every shed word....|