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    Tuesday, March 31, 2015

    Anaphylaxis : It's a long term commitment

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    Nothing like a hilariously inappropriate auto-correct fail to make light of a serious situation!


    A few months ago we found out the hard way that Miss9 is deathly allergic to bees.

    Whatever levels or measurements they use to gauge the severity of a bee allergy, she was right at the top.

    Her first bee sting was a few years ago.  Her hand swelled and we thought nothing of it.

    Her second was a few months ago, and resulted in a speedy ambulance trip to the childrens' hospital.

    She was totally psyched to have ridden in an ambulance and prompted the use of the sirens.  Not remotely fussed or phased by any part of it.  I, on the other hand, nearly gave myself a heart attack...

    Given her extremely rapid increase in allergic reactions from first to second bee sting, things did not bode well for future bee stings (bee allergy reactions become more severe with subsequent stings).

    And so last month we met with the Immunologist, who recommended Miss9 commence a 3 - 5 year desensitisation treatment plan, in the hopes of reducing her allergy from deathly allergic to severely allergic.

    We started last week.  Miss9 was all la la la, I can't hear you when the Immunologist explained that the treatments consisted of being injected with bee venom in increasing doses, multiple times, at each visit.

    She's kind of an ignorance is bliss type of kid.

    Thanks to the numbing cream, she didn't really feel the injections, and quite enjoyed her day off school, sitting in the special chair, watching TV, and ordering the chicken sushi from the hospital lunch menu.

    For my part, I spent the first day pacing around, epi pen in hand, kind of like a ye olde worlde hunter with a spear, ready to stab her at the first sign of a reaction (I plan to play it much cooler at tomorrow's appointment).

    Miss9 was fine, we left, and all was right with the world.

    Until the next day when she experienced itching, swelling and welts where she was injected.  All totally normal.

    But, child of mine, milked it for all it was worth.

    I was working in the school library, and her teacher came to warn me that she was all kinds of woe is me over her itching arms.

    I think the morning's crowd of concerned friends had lost interest and she was not really enjoying being out of the spotlight.

    And so, somehow, her pain extended to her leg.  Either the knee, the ankle, or the whole front of her leg, depending on who was asking.

    She was going for gold.

    Her teacher and I had a laugh, and let it go.

    Until the Teacher Aide returned to the library later that day to advise me that she was still banging on about it, and I had to sign her out of school early and keep her in the library with me until school finished for the day and I could collect the twins and head home - IN LESS THAN 10 MINUTES.

    Friday came and she was still going on about her extending pain (but not at recess or lunch time when she was able bodied enough to play and run around).

    It really ramped up after lunch, just before Friday afternoon sport.

    But I am pleased to report that it was instantly cured when she found out that they were playing her beloved basketball.

    I'm slightly apprehensive about tomorrow's second round of injections.  Not so much for her anaphylaxis, more for the lagging effect in the following days - when she realises that she is now 'old news' at school, and no matter now many fictional side effects she complains of, she will not see the spotlight move from the school's Easter parade back to her.

    I'm super psyched for the next 3 - 5 years of the same...



    Thursday, March 19, 2015

    Relocation update : Found my new US home

    I have now locked down a location for my big move to the US to become a professional Extreme Couponer.

    I shall be taking up residence in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.



    Because - hello - WELCOME TO MYRTLE MANOR


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    I am a sucker for a Southern accent, and I'm dying to try Moonshine.

    At Myrtle Manor Trailer Park, very early afternoon drinking is a socially acceptable bonding activity.  In fact, it's frowned upon if you don't do the neighbourly thing and join in.

    I feel like I'd really fit in well.

    I'm picturing myself, rocking on my trailer porch in a totally Southern, ladylike manner.  Taking visitors of an afternoon, sharing my DIY moonshine cocktail concoctions.

    I can't believe I missed the first season.  I've only just finished binge watching the second season, and I'm completely hooked.

    In love with each and every resident.

    I'm hoping to score the trailer next to Amanda, because she seems like a bit of a youthful party girl.  Much like myself.

    I can't wait for season three.  I've finally found something to replace the void left by Jersey Shore!

    Am I the only person who wasn't aware of this 'reality' TV gem until recently?



    Tuesday, March 17, 2015

    THE gift - Perfect for my next anniversary

    I've found it!

    The gift to end all gifts.

    The gift that keeps on giving.

    The one item that counts as a gift for him and her.

    The gift to end all marital disharmony.

    The gift that helps global warming (via a reduction in toxic air freshener gases).

    This is THE gift.

    I don't want to talk it up or exaggerate or anything, but it is arguably as huge and impressive as the gift of life.

    Seriously, I'm talking about as genius as POST IT NOTES.


    Shut. Up.


    I just love Bamboozo for keeping me up to date on the latest must-have shopping trends.

    I bet this is where Kim Kardashian buys Kanye's gifts.



    I shall be purchasing these for all of my nearest and dearest.

    One pair per male.

    Or are they disposable?  Will I need 365 pairs per male?  Either way, totally worth it.

    Will cover a millennium worth of crappy, half-arsed, semi-well meaning giftage.

    May the air always be minty fresh for you and yours.


    Friday, March 13, 2015

    The best moment of my life. Ever.

    As promised, let me take you in painful detail through the events leading up to the highlight of my life so far (or, ever.  Because I'm a realist, not an optimist).

    If you ever find yourself near Seminyak on my second home, that being the island of Bali - you have to check out the Red Carpet Champagne Bar.

    Clearly denoted by the red carpet, should you need a visual prompt on arrival.

    A few things about this little gem - 

    1.  Free iced water.  Topped up more frequently than you're offered another alcoholic beverage.  A must in the humidity and heady champagne filled venue.

    2.  Free food!  Tasting plates were whizzed out later in the evening both nights we graced them with our presence.  Exactly what one needs after making friends with a few different drops of vino...

    3.  Free shots!  As if it was ever going to be easy to top the free food.  They nailed it.  My personal favourite, the shots of Cosmopolitan.  Because I'm a lady and restrain myself from downing entire cocktails in one go - I find a shot of cocktail so much more sophisticated and refined.  Be it their weekly music quiz where you get a shot for a correct answer, or a random night where the owner is feeling festive - who cares?  Free shots!

    4.  Shopping.  I'm a girl who loves to shop.  I am torn when it comes to choosing beverages over boutiques.  Imagine my delight while whining about having to trek upstairs to use the ladies' room, only to find that it is located inside a mini-boutique!

    I did, upon completion of one visit to the loo, ask if I could possibly borrow a long, curly purple wig and bejewelled mask from the boutique for just a few minutes of comedic value - planning on returning to my friends' table and continue our conversation as if nothing had happened.

    But they said no.

    Bummer.

    5.  Abi.  Oh, Abi.  Abi is the head of transport at the bar, and takes his job very seriously.  On our first visit, Abi introduced himself and advised that the bar would be happy to escort my girlfriend and I home (the other lightweights had gone back to the hotel after dinner, but two of us were all hardcore committed to using every second of child-free holiday time we had).  He implored (yes, implored) us to ask for him when we were ready to leave.

    We forgot.

    BIG MISTAKE.

    Come the second visit, and our group of six was once again met by the delightful Abi, who repeated his previous offer.

    Look, to be honest, we'd had just a few drinks by this stage.

    I know, I know.  I am a pillar of responsibility, and you'll likely find it hard to believe that I could possibly consume more than the recommended one drink per hour, with a water chaser.  But I was taking one for the team, in an effort to prop up the festive party atmosphere.

    Or something equally as believable.

    So we decided to take Abi up on his offer.

    Abi seemed super psyched, and insisted we "view the VEE-HIGH-CLE".

    How could you not?

    So we did.  Expecting to see a van with the bar logo, or something similar.

    Not. Even. Close.

    At first, I thought he was taking the piss.  But Abi very patiently explained that we would travel in groups of two, should we find the VEE-HIGH-CLE acceptable.  One in the side car, one on the back of the attached scooter, which he would drive very carefully back to our accommodations.

    I'm pretty sure Abi has had to run through this speech a few times before.

    Regardless, I was all WOOHOO, I'M IN!

    And jumped in the side car before anyone else could.



    Being a huge fan of the double meaning, I get all kinds of happies to be able to say....

    I RODE A BOTTLE OF MOET.  IN THE LITERAL.


    Hands-free action shot as we took off.
    Me: Trying to play it cool with a simple thumbs up (a show of respect for the sophisticated Moet)
    Pat: Losing her shit laughing.
    Abi: Cool as always.


    It was the best 20 minutes of my life.

    If it hadn't been our last night, I would've returned every single night just for the ride home.

    Which I would've deviated past the doof-doof nightclub strip so I could do some uber cool gang signs, and maybe a little 'sup to any attractive types.

    I'm pretty sure Abi enjoyed it almost as much as me.  Because he surely has the most awesome job in the world.

    Seriously, do yourself a favour and check out Red Carpet Champagne Bar in Seminyak.

    Say hi to Abi.

    Say yes to the ride home.



    Tuesday, March 10, 2015

    It's been a while. Also, I may have Tourette's

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    It's been a while between posts, and I sincerely apologise for ruining your internets with my absence.

    In my defence, I have been super busy with other things.

    Like teaching #1Nana how to use her computer - a massive task in its own right, but it also required me to simultaneously will myself not to face plant the old dinosaur machine she's replacing, in an effort to knock myself out and end the trauma of it all - while also refraining from using shed words in her presence, directed solely at her and her wellbeing.

    Because, patience.

    It took a solid week of not speaking of the whole weekend-long experience for me to get over it.

    And we are still on speaking terms, so I'm calling it a win.



    I also started a new job.  While still working my other job.  And mothering The Feral Threesome.  Clearly I have been the most busiest of all of the people.

    Nobody rush to get up, I'm already patting myself on the back.

    And waiting for my United Nations Multitasking Woman of Awesomeness 2015 award.

    It's between me, Angelina and Octomom.  I'm quietly confident.



    Finally, I topped all of that stress and awesomeness off with a girls-only mini vacay to Bali.

    Me and five of my best girlfriends.

    Hitting 'it' hard for five solid days.

    It being the shops, the restaurants, and the odd bar.


    My girlfriends cemented their places in my heart by realising that I may suffer from Tourette's, and still hanging with me despite my loud and random outbursts.

    Coupled with my unique laugh.

    It's kind of like a drunk walrus...but completely ladylike and attractive.

    Trust me.



    Which leads me to the most awesome thing that has ever happened to me in my brief and youthful existence....ahem.

    Sorry kids - but even your arrival could not possibly compete with this....

    All will be revealed in the next blog post - because the most awesome moment in my life warrants its own post.



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