Monday, June 22, 2015

The snowball effect : becoming travel bloggers

#1Hubby      I want to go on a holiday.

Me                Me too.

#1Hubby      How good would it be to go to Vegas.

Me                Hell yes.  But have you forgotten about The Feral Threesome?

#1Hubby      Oh yeah...

Thinks for a few seconds

#1Hubby      You went when you were a kid.  Where did you go?

Me                 Circus Circus.  Awesome place.
                      I spent most of my time there while the #1Grandparents gambled.

#1Hubby       See, family-friendly holiday.

Me                It pains me to say this, but you are right.
                     What about the rest of the time?
                     Or are we just going to leave them there the entire trip?

#1Hubby's a pretty big place....

Me                That's true....

#1Hubby      We could also take them to Disneyland or Disney World.

Me                That totally amps up the 'family' factor.  Nice one.

#1Hubby      Do you reckon we've got enough frequent flyer points to upgrade?

Me                Actually we do.  But only for us.  

#1Hubby      Bummer.  For the kids, I mean.

Me                Exactly.

Because, we are allowed to dream. 

Me                I like the kids and all.  I'm not saying we don't get along.
                     But I don't really want to spend all of my holiday time with them.
                     Definitely not 'Happy Hour'.

#1Hubby      Yeah.  Definitely.
                     We'd probably need a Nanny or something.
                     Good call.

Me                Do you think they'd fly in economy with the kids?
                     Then we can upgrade to business class?

Both of us   Ahahahahahahaha.

More dreaming.

#1Hubby      What about a cruise?
                     We've been looking at cruises.
                     We could do one of those Disney cruises while we're there.

Me                Nailed it.
                     It is now a 100% family-friendly trip, all about the kids.
                     We are merely selfless supervisors.
                     Going along to facilitate their childhood enjoyment.

We actually high five at this point.

#1Hubby      We are awesome parents.

Me                I know, right?!

#1Hubby, can we?

Me                Why not.
                     Firstly, which bank are we going to rob to pay for all of this?

Dripping with sarcasm.

Which was totally lost / wasted on him.

#1Hubby      Funny.  Can't you just blog about it?

Me                What?

#1Hubby      You know, just offer to blog about it all and - 

Snorting and laughing while interrupting him....

Me                That is a great idea!
                     Because shit like that happens ALL. THE. TIME.

#1Hubby      Really?
                     Don't be a smart ass.

I'm now riding my beloved sarcasm train and can't get off

Me                No for real.
                     I'm going to write about this conversation.
                     Then we'll wait for the offers to immediately roll in.
                     Because who wouldn't want in on this? 

#1Hubby      Shut up.

Me                Can you check your diary for me?

#1Hubby      Why?

Me                Just so we can arrange a time to sift through the many, many emails.
                     We need to work out which ones we are prepared to accept.
                     Probably need to block out a few hours to get through it all.

#1Hubby      Funny.

Some more snort-laughing

Me                I'd hate to have the rest of the world feel left out.
                     Maybe we should open it up to Europe too?

#1Hubby leaves the room, muttering various shed words in my direction

Me                Think of all the wineries!
                     And the cheese!
                     And pasta!

Pretty sure he went to look for a second job for each of us, to fund this magical, amazing holiday that all started over coffee yesterday morning, while browsing the Travel lift-out of the Sunday paper.

And also to start up his own blog in an attempt to elicit extravagant travel review offers. was your Sunday?

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

I just can't....

This image visually assaulted me when I pried my eyes open at the arse crack of dawn, thanks to three man-flu riddled kids and THREE kittens (more on that sudden increase in feline figures later)...and flopped down in front of my laptop to check Facebook....

That is #1Hubby and his boyfriends at MY Champagne Bar in Bali.


While I am home looking after his sick children.

Double bastard.

And missing a blog-related trip.

Triple bastard.

I won't even get into the unspeakables that THREE kittens are subjecting me to, on my own.

Quadruple bastard.

EXHAUSTIPATED : Too tired to give a shit.

But I will later.

And I will refer to this post when I need to remind myself why I am going all woe is me martyr.  In case my flu fatigue causes me to forget all the crosses that I am bearing while he is boozing in Bali at MY bar.

**Nobody mention all the trips I take to exciting places like the US for BlogHer, Cambodia and Vietnam (annually), or the girls trip to Bali with my sister wives just a couple of months ago.  I bet this is how he feels every time I go away.  Totally does not count right now.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Don't make me get the clippers out....

Meet my deputy of discipline.

It used to be the Zhu Zhu Pets, but my kids have out-grown that irrational fear, and the pets are no longer capable of rounding up the kids like a herd of petrified cattle.

My latest deputy only works on Mstr6, but that's okay, because the girls understand threats and bargaining better than he does.

For Mstr6, the mere mention of getting the clippers out to do his hair has him in full blown girly-man tantrum mode.

Every time I do his hair we experience said girly-man tantrum.

But only pre-clippering.

During and after having his hair done, he quite matter of factly advises that it doesn't hurt a bit, and he's not scared of it at all.

He even promises not to lose his shit 6 - 8 weeks later when he'll need his next haircut.

But he's a liar or has a short memory or both, because we end up going through the same drama every time.

Right now, we are in a stalemate.

It's like a Mexican standoff - 

I am disgusted by his completely dishevelled look, all long bits of hair sticking up everywhere (I dumped a good handful of hair gel on one patch and it still stuck straight up in the air)

...but I do have the greatest behavioural threat ever at my disposal, every time he refuses to do as he's told - 

      Me:    Eat your veg
      Him:  Nooooooooooooooooo
      Me:   If you don't eat your veg you'll go to bed early
      Him:  No I won't
      Me:  Yes you will
      Him:  Fine, I'll talk to Goggerson (stuffed toy of choice)
      Me:   Fine, I'll get the clippers out and do your hair in the time you should have been eating your veg

      Me:   Homework time
      Him:  I don't want to
      Me:   Neither do I, but, let's do it
      Him:  No, I don't want to
      Me:   Too bad, we're doing it
      Him:  No
      Me:   It's go time....
      Him:  I'm not doing my homework
      Me:   No, not that.  I'm getting the clippers to do your hair instead, since we're not doing homework
      Him:  Girly shriek, and runs to get homework

      Me:   Bath time
      Him:  No I had one yesterday
      Me:   Yes, you have one every day
      Him:  No I don't
      Me:   Yes you do
      Him:  No I don't
      Me:   Yes. You. Do.
      Him:  No. I. Don't.
      Me:   Shed words, some muttered, some slightly more audible
      Him:  I did not have one Saturday
      Me:   Yes you did
      Him:  No I didn't
      Me:   More shed words, none muttered, all audible
      Him:  Ahahahahaha
      Me:   That's it...

See, he's catching on....I don't even need to verbalise the threat now!

Works like a charm, every time.

I just have to live with all that hair until I find a substitute threat that he responds to just as passionately.

Am going to hit YouTube for tutorials on how to braid the rats tail that's appeared at the back into a side pony.

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