Monday, February 16, 2015

True love and heartbreak : My Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is kind of a massive, enormous, huge.....non-event in our household.

In that old 'cow / milk' scenario - Bought the cow 15 years ago, had the milk *slightly longer*, and now have three loudly mooing calves to show for it.

It's just another day in these parts.

Which is why this card took me by surprise Saturday morning....

And on the inside....

I'd pick you again and again
to be my Valentine

I hate spending $5 - $10 on a piece of cardboard featuring a false image of romanticism on the outside, a cheesy poetic verse inside.

But this?  This is awesome.

It came with a flat white, delivered to my bedside.

#1Hubby totally gets me.  A slightly gross, funny, and not remotely cheesy card and a good coffee.  Best. Valentine's. Ever.

Which is good, because otherwise, it totally sucked thanks to the other man in my life, Mstr6.

He refused to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day.

Which does not bode well for our upcoming marriage in Bali that he has, until recently, reminded me about at every opportunity.

He will be the knight and I will be the princess.

Ignoring the whole wait until you're a teenager and I kill your street cred by telling all of your friends how you used to propose to me on a regular basis.... ignoring the Jerry Springer potential (should his proposals continue to an inappropriate age).....

Because, BALI.

He totally knows my weaknesses.

Namely, swim up pool bars, cheap shopping, cocktails, tropical islands.

But, this year, nothing doing from my most ardent admirer.

So I did what I usually do, and declared V Day to be Vodka Day, with the assistance of Facebook and someone else's far more clever word play and imagery.

PS - As I finished writing this post Sunday morning, Mstr6 came running up to me to show me his toy plane that he just fixed (with the assistance of an entire roll of tape, FFS).

I praised his efforts.

He was in good spirits.

I held on to him in a one sided hug, while he covertly/blatantly attempted to wriggle free of my loving embrace.

I seized the moment....

Me : So who do you love more than anyone else in the whole entire world?

Mstr6 : Ummm.....Dad.

It has always, always been me.

So I released him and tried not to take delight as he almost tripped.

Am now off to eat my feelings of rejection via a couple of his early purchased Easter Eggs.

Monday, February 2, 2015

Get thee back to school : A Zak Australia Giveaway

We've limped through the past 2 weeks of the epic, seemingly endless, school holidays.

The Feral Threesome have fought more than usual (which is a lot).

I've used my 'outside voice' and 'shed words' more than usual I should have.

Tempers have been frayed, my friends.  Tempers have been severely frayed.

Finally, today was the day.

A telling sign of my utter joy and relief to hand them off to other, more qualified, people (teachers) was the fact that I am the only mother in my various social networks to not post a 'back to school' pic of my little darlings.

Rather, I was mentally simultaneously high fiving and patting myself on the back for surviving the seven week ordeal, while willing the dodgy knock-off Frozen backpack Miss6 was toting, to hold together for at least the first term.

I broke it trying to zip it up at the end of DAY ONE.

Cue massive, indignant floods of tears - hers, not mine.  I went for the totally mature eye roll instead.


Woe was her.

Woe was me, because her woe was her was exceptionally loud and anguish-filled.


I busted this out, complete with jazz hands (which were a waste of my skillz since none of them actually know what jazz hands are), and the world was suddenly happy again....

Zak! Australia - Frozen Berg Lunch Bag and Bottle.
Now available at Aldi.  RRP $8.99

Until Mstr6 lost his shit because WHERE'S MIIIIIIINE?!??!  HOW COME LIV GOT ONE?!?!?!?  WHERE'S MIIIIIIINE?!??!

The extra i's are to indicate the full whiney impact of his girly man tanty.

I have no idea how to write in the foot stamping dance that I am going to record next time, and use as his So You Think You Can Dance audition (I'm going to call it River Dance style Irish dancing, and teach him how to do an Irish accent for added authenticity).


Because I then busted out (minus jazz hands - not wasting my talents on the unappreciative) a bit of Turtle Power and finally, the world was happy again....

Zak! Australia - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Berg Lunch Bag and Bottle.
Now available at Aldi.  RRP $8.99

I waited, holding my breath, expecting Miss9 to join the whine-fest.  But she had her face stuck in some fashion game and was all whatevs....


So, tomorrow, The Twin Tornado will be toting their lunches like this - 

Or, if Mstr6 gets his way, in full costume mode, like this - 

At this point I'm not fussed either way, as long as they STFU and get ready for school in a timely manner, so that I may obtain an actual parking spot and not a patch of damp, quick-sand-esque dirt that totally ruined my sandals today when I was *slightly* behind schedule on day one.

Thanks to Zak! Australia, I have one of each of these Berg Lunch Bag and Bottle sets to giveaway.

One for a Frozen fanatic, and one for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle nut.

For your chance to win, complete the entry form below:

The Fine Print
  • Entry is open to Australian and New Zealand residents only
  • Entries open Monday 2 February 2015
  • Entries close midnight (WST) Sunday 8 February
  • Only entrants who have completed all sections of the entry form will be deemed eligible
  • There are two (2) prizes. One (1) Zak Frozen Berg Lunch Bag and Bottle; and one (1) Zak Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Berg Lunch Bag and Bottle.
  • Winners will be announced on Facebook Monday 9 February
  • Winners have seven (7) days to respond, before I use further inappropriate shed words (if there are any left that I did not bust out over the epic school holidays), and conduct a re-draw.

Entries close midnight (WST) Sunday 8 February

And now I must away and fill said lunch bags for tomorrow.

I am already out of creative ideas.

After one single day.

No fear - I could serve up broccoli coated in sand and the kids will eat it as long as it's served in these bad boys!

Monday, January 26, 2015

Happy Australia Day : It's the little things

What is more Australian to write about than a loo - this one being the 'Lano loo' at the #1Grandparents' house.

Actually, I have no idea how that makes it totally 'strayan to write about, but it seems appropriate to me and it gave me a laugh, so I'm outing my parents' sick sense of humour sharing.

This delightful image was deemed suitable for placement above the throne, the most coveted hanging position in the place - clearly, because it's where the calendar went.

Upon closer inspection, you manage to move your attention from the charming PISS OFF! pic***, to said calendar....

No appointments.

No birthdays.

No parties.


Who does that?

Who goes to the effort of documenting when they change the toilet roll, just to try and prove they change the most rolls?

The first of the month includes the tally from the previous month, obviously.

4th November was a huge day for #1Pop - no doubt victoriously celebrated with much gloating over the changing of the toilet roll and the filling up of the spare toilet roll holder.

It's the little things that keep a marriage alive after so many years together.

I can absolutely see myself walking in my parents' footsteps, taking their lead, learning from their example - and starting my own toilet roll changing tally.

For the record, #1Nana swears #1Pop lied on all but one or two of his claims.

#1Pop vehemently denied falsifying any documentation.

He actually used the word vehemently.  For emphasis.

*** This is the wall art of choice for the woman who is constantly telling me that I swear too much.

FFS, #1Nana.


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