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Wednesday, December 2, 2015

I can't even.....

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The kids put the Christmas tree up last night.

Without my supervision.


I am yet to look at it.

I'm weeping on the inside for what I know will definitely not be strategic and symmetrical placement of ornaments and tinsel.


I can't.

I just can't.


Thank the vodka gods we're going away for the big day, so I won't have to be visually assaulted on the most festive day of the whole festive season.



I'm going to whack this bad boy up in the hotel room....




Not even kidding.




Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Still here. Still liberating booze and tablecloths

It's been a while.

I'm sorry for that / you're welcome.


You see, I've been super busy tooling around on Facebook and Pinterest.

Saving / noting all the Festive stuffs I have no intention of actually doing.


Trawling Twitter and struggling to reduce my rambling to the maximum character limit.

No chance.  Not even after a bottle of bubbly when I, personally, find myself to be at my wittiest.


I've been really busy at work.  Working super hard trying to be respectable and mature and not use swears while dealing with grade school children.

It's been tough.


Trying not to use too many swears with my own children.

Failed.


Created a decent back story to impress my high school peeps at our recent reunion.

Forgot my story before I even arrived.

Liberated a whole bottle of champagne for the single-glass toast on the school grounds.

Went through my old boarding house, and explained to the current boarders how and where we used to escape to smoke.

Liberated a tablecloth from the after party because it was in the school colours.  Obviously.


Spent a HUGE amount of time chastising myself for not blogging recently.

Broke the drought with this stellar effort, which I commenced so #1Hubby would go pick the kids up from school - because, BUSY BLOGGING.


Wheeled and dealed like a pro.

Stay tuned for next year's travel blogging hilarity, trying out a Bali hotel chain.

#1Hubby is psyched to actually be invited.  

We're both slightly less psyched because the kids are also invited.


Started a pre-reunion diet.

Failed.

Multiple times.

Each day for about 6 weeks.


Started a pre-Bali Xmas diet.

Things are going amazingly well so far.

As in I started it today, and as of 2:48pm I have not failed.

But I have Googled "Calorie content of St Remy Brandy".

All the woo-ing and hoo-ing because it's like 100 calories per serve (so....200 for my big girl glass).


So anyway, I'm still here.

Not that anyone asked.


Attempting to continue exploiting my shit parenting on a more regular basis, once again.

You're welcome / my apologies.


I leave you with a pic of my recent hard core, fancy pants, birthday partying antics....

All of the class


Monday, August 31, 2015

Why beer makes me a better wife

I'm not an avid consumer, because I dare not cheat on my beloved wine and vodka too often.

There are a number of ways in which beer makes me more awesome.

I'm certain it makes me more attractive to #1Hubby after a few.

It certainly makes him more agreeable to my various purchases and travel plans!

It also saves my bacon when I am a less than stellar wife....


Example




This arrived on my doorstep early last week.

#1Hubby does enjoy seeing the benefits of blogging, and so he eagerly stood over my shoulder while I opened a package involving a beer company.

Then let out a few yelps of excitement when he discovered ACTUAL BEER inside.

It was like the clouds had parted and the sun was shining from within the box while angels sang.

Then he read over my shoulder as the words FATHERS DAY were prominently and clearly mentioned more than once on the included Media Release.


Say what now?


Our mouths dropped open in sync.  

I could see the cogs ticking as he came to realise what had just dawned on me...

I had completely forgotten Fathers Day.

I know, I know - how could I?  What with all the advertising telling me what a sexy, early 30's dude, with a 3 day growth and smouldering but clear and wrinkle/bag free eyes (who has clearly never had children because he does not show the obvious signs of parental wear and tear)....would want for FATHERS DAY.

My brain was going oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap DENY.

And so I've spent the past few days rushing around trying to think of SOMETHING to gift #1Hubby for Fathers Day on behalf of The Feral Threesome.

I'VE GOT NOTHING.

Short of gifting him a kidney in the event that he may need it one day.

And I'm not totally sold on the idea of gifting a vital organ to him.  He is older.  He's had more time with his bits and pieces.  Why should the young (that's me) have to sacrifice?

Anyway, I gave in.

I went to #1Hubby on Saturday to admit defeat and ask what he would like, because clearly I'd run out of time to find the supposedly well planned, carefully thought out, and definitely not forgotten and panic purchased gift.  You know, for Fathers Day that was "yesterday".

GET THIS....

Action Shot.  From someone who is so organised and prepared, we celebrated Fathers Day a week early....


He thought the Tooheys Cooking Handbook that came with the beer was his gift.

And he was happy with that.

And he plans to use it.

AS IN COOK.


So now it's my turn for the clouds to part.  There is a definite glow above his head (I'm not going to say a halo, because he hasn't yet made good on his plans to cook).  And I'm pretty sure there were angels singing sweetly in the background.

Oh, and Fathers Day is not until THIS WEEK.

(You're welcome for the heads up, anybody else who has failed at Fathers Day as spectacularly as I, and also thought it was a week earlier than it is).

I am like the hat  trick of awesome wife and mother and all of that stuff.

If you are short of a gift idea - why not get them a gift that keeps on giving....to you.  Like the Tooheys Cooking Handbook.

It is clearly associated with beer, so they'll love it.

Meanwhile, you can consider it payback for the washing machine / broom / towel set / slow cooker that the man in your life has gifted you in the past.

A two-fer!
Win win!





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