Friday, October 10, 2014

Milestone anniversary celebrations : Nailed it

Last week was all about love stories.

George Clooney SETTLED for his UN lawyer multi millionaire humanitarian stunner who is all things uber stylish and shit but is still not me...

Don't worry George, our time will come.  We will meet over a steaming Nespresso, both somehow magically single in painless and tragedy-free circumstances.

Last week also signalled my 15th Wedding anniversary - I was a total child bride y'all.  Just so we're clear for anyone who may be attempting to do any sort of mathematical equations to determine how my 'perpetually 26' self could be celebrating a 15th wedding anniversary.

The kids were off staying with the #1Grandparents so I could keep working during school holidays without having to pay double what I earn in Vacation Care for three kids.  And so we figured we should probably do something to mark such a milestone.

Fifteen years of #1Hubby being, hands down, the luckiest and most blessed man in the history of the known universe.

My gift to him was, of course, myself - the gift that keeps on giving, and has done for 15 years.

I casually suggested to him that, in return, the traditional anniversary gift for 15 years was big, fat, blinging diamonds.

He laughed his arse off and said he was pretty confident it was whitegoods.


So I found the hotel with the cheapest Club Rooms (because, hello, it is all about the free booze and the sport of cramming as much of it in during the Club cocktail hours to ensure that you have drunk back at least half of the cost of your room.  The other half comes in the outrageously overpriced breakfast the next morning that you also get included in the Club Room price).

We arrive, and find that we have been upgraded to a King Spa Suite.

As a true sign of how totes romantic we are after all of these years, #1Hubby nearly shits himself with delight over the fact that there are 2 TVs.  No fighting over The Real Housewives of the world versus sports.

It takes a millisecond for him to question the lounge area - and I quote - 

" that lounge a pull out sofa bed?  Because if it is, it's mine!  OMG OMG it is!  I'm calling it!  It's mine!"

I played it cool and pretended to sound disinterested and a little disappointed, while in my head chanting "YESSSS!  I get the king size bed to myself!  Huzzah!"

Soon after, the phone rings.

It is the delightful Jacob from Concierge, enquiring as to whether the room is suitable (2 TV's and a pull out sofa bed? Why yes it is, thank you very much Jacob...).

Jacob then cements his place in my heart by asking if now would be a good time to send up the complimentary bottle of bubbly to celebrate our anniversary?

But of course, Jacob.

He signs off by wishing us a very happy 15th anniversary, and instructing us to call him personally if we need anything, anything at all.

Thank you Jacob, and don't you hesitate to contact me should you need a blood transfusion, kidney, or wish to be included in my last will and testament.

He laughs as if I'm joking.

All of this has flown clear over #1Hubby's head as he is working.


I shit you not, and here is the proof:

2 computers, 2 phones, 2 drinks.
Overindulgent Show off.

No matter, I had popped the bubbly, and so I kicked back to watch some TV.

It just oozes romance, right?

Eventually, #1Hubby surfaces from a call and requests a glass of our special celebratory anniversary bubbly, and so I begrudgingly pour him a glass:

Guess which glass is his?

We pass the afternoon in this very manner.

I sipped bubbly while taking in some local culture:

I can tell you that Hope is considering taking Liam back.  Brooke is now aware that Bill had Ridge pushed off the helicopter into the water.

And also, I have a list of the top fat burning herbs as recommended by The Doctors, that I will probably never buy and instead whine about how expensive they are.

Anniversary Cultural Activities:
 Took in a show (B&B) and indulged in some health and well being (The Doctors)

Finally, Club Room cocktail hour(s) arrive and we take about 4 minutes after the official start to get ready - lest we arrive first, right on opening, and appear desperate.

#1Hubby celebrating the WHITEGOODS ANNIVERSARY.
Blurry pic as I was too busy harassing him to hurry up and stop wasting valuable wine time on trivial matters such as ironing (I've never ever understood ironing)

Finally, some one-on-one time with #1Hubby in the Club lounge.  The conversation flows, with lulls filled by my requests for him to go get more cheese from the cheeseboard (so he can look greedy, rather than my ladylike self).

It was going swimmingly, until a former political leader entered the room, and once again I lost #1Hubby - this time to his fan girling.

I pretended to be knowledgeable on all things politics and have a remote clue who he was talking about.  Eventually I gave up and Googled the guy.

I left the room for 3 minutes to use the facilities, and by the time I returned, #1Hubby was gushing over the politician.  Fawning attention over him, hanging on his every word.

I go to the bar and enquire whether Jacob from Concierge is still on duty.

Apparently not, which is a shame, because I was going to request he come up to the lounge and be my stand in husband while my real one made eyes with the former political leader.

I'm certain that Jacob would have been up to the task of smiling nostalgically as I reminisced over our wedding, my non-proposal (totally have to check if I've already blogged that one), the birth of our first child, our holidays and highlights.

When the free drinks stopped flowing and #1Hubby's other date left the room, we decided to hit a local bar. 

From there on in I don't really have much to whine about.

The end.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Win Win : Rio 2 Giveaway

STEP 1a :
Panic wipe down all surfaces visible in pic to be posted on web.
STEP 1b :
Panic semi-brush oldest child's hair for the first time this week
STEP 1c :
Have oldest child measure and pour ingredients as you lick the inside of the condensed milk tin while sternly warning your children that it is sharp and they should never ever do what Mummy is doing.

STEP 2 :
Stupidly allow 2 youngest children to stir hot caramel type product on stove, while telling them that it is indeed like caramel and totally delicious
Note : This pic was actually taken 'upside down' as I was in a blind panic to ensure nobody ate my Condensed Milk got burnt.

STEP 3 :

Non-existent.  Mstr5 was all-in following this dodgy pic, fingers first.  Suffice to say we did not have enough of the mix left to make the actual balls by the time his sisters panicked that they were missing out on something awesome, and also dug in. And me. Mostly me.

Attention #1Nana: See, I totally did let the kids consume the condensed milk you gifted them for Christmas.

Attention everyone else: Look at me go with the hands on parenting, not an electronic babysitter in sight.  MOTHER OF THE YEAR!

The recipe that I had to try because it contains only three ingredients and one of them is Condensed Milk.  And also because it has balls in the name (insert juvenile heh from my inner 14 year old) :

Another recipe I did not attempt because it included an ingredient I had to Google, then freaked out a little because it is a Health Food, but I am including to appease the health freaks out there:

And a third recipe I will be trying this weekend, celebrating the end of school holidays with the addition of vodka:

These recipes and gloaty display of parenting awesomeness were all bought to you by Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment and Rio 2.

Specifically, the downloadable version.

The promise of which was used to have The Feral Threesome clean up post-enriching family baking while I congratulated myself with (what else but) a glass of wine.

Followed by another glass while the kids were glued to the tablet watching Rio 2.

Total win, win.

I'm a definite convert to the digital download format, as it means I can load up the electronic babysitters and take any one of them with me anywhere we go.

And also, because I don't have to leave the house to go purchase a DVD, requiring me to don something other than my school holidays tracksuit combo of choice.

As much as I'd like to be able to give you a review of Rio 2, I can't.

I've been too busy enjoying The Real Housewives of the world on the actual TV, thanks to it being free for the taking while the kids are in whichever far distant corner of the house I choose to put the tablet and Rio 2.

I can tell you that it must be a fairly good movie, on account of the lack of fighting, whining, screaming, bloodcurdling OMG HE KICKED/LICKED me screeching and associated retaliation.

And also the lack of crayon on the walls and furniture.

Therefore, Rio 2 is engaging for children aged 5 - 9 years.

Triple thumbs up from this mother, completely over the whole school holidays business.

Thanks to Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, I have five Rio 2 prize packs to give away.  Each prize pack includes:

  • Rio 2 on Blu-Ray or DVD
  • Rio 2 Cuddly toy
  • Rio 2 Beach towel
  • Rio 2 Character clip

Rio 2 is available from Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment for digital download on iTunes and Android.  Check out the trailer and download options here.

Entries close midnight (WST) Wednesday 15th October

The Fine Print
  • Entry is open to Australian and New Zealand residents only
  • Entries open 0500 (WST) Tuesday 7th October
  • Entries close midnight (WST) Wednesday 15th October
  • Only entries that have completed all sections of the above entry form will be deemed valid
  • Winners will be notified by email Thursday 16th October
  • Winners have seven days to respond before I Google Brazilian shed words to mutter under my breath while conducting a re-draw

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Drop it like it's hot. Please.

Image Source

Respect.  Being my child, Mstr5 enjoys the great rappers of our time, so I even deferred to Snoop Dogg for some sage advice to DROP IT LIKE IT'S no avail.

What does one do when their child insists on holding their boy bits, like, ALL THE TIME?

I'm asking, because I'm out of ideas on how to stop Mstr5 holding hands with himself, so to speak.

It's clearly a male thing, as neither of my girls grab their bits.

To be honest, I've probably left it a bit late to be asking.

He's been holding on for dear life for a good 2-3 years now.

I'm not confident I can break the habit.

Here are just a few of my failed attempts at convincing him to drop it.

Firstly, the threats....

If you don't stop holding it, it will fall off

If you don't stop holding it, it won't grow

If you don't stop holding it, I'll take Goggy (beloved stuffed toy of choice) away

If you don't stop holding it, I'm going to make you eat mashed potato for the rest of your life.  Even for school lunches.  Cold.

When they failed, I went to the next step - bargaining....

If you stop holding it you don't have to eat pumpkin

If you stop holding it you won't have to brush your teeth (total false promise, which he saw through)

If you stop holding it, I'll take you to the dollar shop (failed because he knows he goes every week with the #1Grandparents, regardless of his boy bits holding ways)

If you stop holding it I will buy you a pony (another totally false promise that he also saw through)

Following those failures, I decided to probe a little deeper into the why....

Me  :  Why are you holding it?
Him :  Because
Me  :  Because why?
Him :  Just because
Me  :  But there must be a reason why?
Him :  Nope

Me  :  Do you hold it when you need to go to the toilet?
Him :  No, that's silly Mummy, ahahahahaha

Me  :  Do you hold it when you're scared / sad / tired / upset?
Him :  You're a poops head, ahahahhaha
Me  :  No really, Mstr5, you can tell me?
Him :  Poops head poops head poops head ahahahahaha

The final straw, begging, pleading, wreaking of desperation....

Me  :  What would it take for you to stop holding it?
Him :  Adventure Time
Me  :  The TV show?
Him :  Yes
Me  :  Ok, great!  So do you want to watch it?
Him :  No
Me  :  Do you want a toy from the show?
Him :  No
Me  :  Do you want a water bottle with Finn or Jake on it?
Him :  No
Me  :  Do you want a toy B-mo?
Him :  No
Him :  Ahahahahhaha (commences singing Adventure Time theme song)

I give up....mothers of boys, how did you get them to stop holding it?

I fear the downward spiral into a life of crime via gang association, being that he already has the standard pose down - hand on crotch, pants often falling low enough to show a small portion of butt crack.  I need to sort this shit out before he's spotted and someone attempts to recruit him.

Or is he just an early discoverer of what he will never ever let go of as he grows into teenager-hood?

Please tell me it's not that.

Then I got all distracted by the delightful Pharrell Williams and visions of our future life together with him worshipping my every shed word....


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