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Friday, November 4, 2011

FFS!? Friday : Part 3

Hurrah! It's that time of the week again!

I so love FFS!? Friday.  Nothing like getting up on the soap box and having a bit of a ranty tanty moment.

This week, numerous things have shat me...shitted me....shited me?  What is the correct terminology there?  Suffice to say, I have been provided with the shits on a number of occasions.

Here it is....

I suffered an attack of Martha Stewartitis and created mini chocolate shapes in different colours, to put on top of cupcakes and take to work (because I wanted to be a little bit fancy and wow them with my culinary prowess). For the past week, I've been cleaning up the carnage.  And not in a good way (if there even is a good way?).  The twins have been crapping leftover brightly coloured chocolates for the past week, and since it looks so Playdohesque, they like to dig in and craft them into lumps of Playdohesque shapes.  FFS.
You're welcome...

So The Race That Stops A Nation AKA The Melbourne Cup was Tuesday.  Apparently.  I wasn't aware there was a big fancy pants race on, because I was too busy competing in my very own race.  Racing from the toilet to the washing machine to the clothes line, and ricocheting off the twin tornado inbetween.  TOILET TRAINING HOLY MOTHER OF VODKA.  What a shit job - ironic pun intended.  FFS.

Toilet training TWO AT ONCE. FFS.

Toilet training two at once of different genders.  Instead of paying attention to my demonstration / performance art piece entitled "This is how we whizz on the big boy/girl toilet" - complete with sound effects - they are too busy eyeing off each others' body parts and laughing.  Wasted performance.  Now I know how serious actors in cheap ass plays must feel, FFS.

Potty begone!  The twins relocated their potty to the sandpit - which they better not be using as a sandbox...

I went shopping the other afternoon and somehow (and I'm going to go with blaming the twins who were perched precariously on the sides of the trolley, thus distracting me) bought a size SMALL.  Doesn't matter what it was, the sheer fact that I ended up with a SMALL ANYTHING is hilarious.  So I went back the next morning, only they had sold out of every other size and colour.  So I am stuck with my size small.  Never to be worn unless I cough up the squishy fat objects I have obviously ingested at some point,  FFS.

Yo Barbie, I got something for you
Disclaimer : Image not my actual purchase, because green's not my colour

I moaned about my desires to receive a Nespresso for my birthday here.  I received a lot of sympathetic feedback, so I thought...what the hell...and I emailed the Nestle PR peeps.  Not only did they not take me seriously, they didn't even acknowledge my hilariously witty and engaging *cough* email, or thank me for my gratuitious online mentions of their product.  Okay so maybe I shouldn't have requested George Clooney deliver it shirtless, but I thought that I may as well go for broke and not just the Nespresso on its own.  Anywho, the point is, I thought I'd get a "haha...keep dreaming..." - but not even a response.  I guess they're busy.  Maybe they do the PR for Qantas too?  FFS.

Grrr George, Grrr

Speaking of Qantas...

Note to Qantas : You're doing it wrong.  Blanket statement.

Moving on.

One last whine.  So I finally ordered my wine bag.  It will be making a special guest appearance at DPCon12 (please queue early for vieweings, photographs and autographs - the wine bag's, not mine).  I was so jazzed to find a retailer...and it was a reasonable price...until I had to pay almost as much for the postage as the actual bag cost!  I sincerely hope my new wine bag enjoys its first class flight over from the US of A, FFS.
Your flight is now boarding...please advise your First Class attendant if you require any Moet, botox or a pedicure.

Phew...I'm feeling better now.

Thanks for listening.

Feel free to comment with what's had you saying Oh FFS?! this week, and if you're inclined to write an entire ranty tanty post about it like me, then head over to Dear Baby G and link up!

On a brighter note...I haz giveaways!  Some awesome ones coming up, one closing Sunday for the Egg-O wine cooler, and a newbie going up same day.

I can't wait to catch up with Perth blogging Peeps tomorrow night.  Apologies in advance to anyone injured as a direct or indirect result of my severe lack of co-ordination.

I can't wait to catch up with Adelaide blogging Peeps Sunday night.  Apologies in advance to anyone injured as a direct or indirect result of my severe lack of co-ordination.


  1. My FFS for the week (ok month) (ok year) is why do so many morons insist on gracing me with their presence! Is it really so hard to use that thing inside your head called a brain FFS.

  2. Oh my! And here I am dreading toilet training or my twin boys! At least if they're learning in the sandbox it'll be cleaner? No ? Okay...


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