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Friday, September 21, 2012

FFS!? Friday: Junkies, peanut butter and shed words

Straight into the business of FFS-ing this week....

I was too caught up watching the end of an episode of The Real Housewives of NYC that I'd missed, that I didn't check the clippers I was preparing to do Mstr3's head with.  What was meant to be a #4 ended up as a #1.

My sweet little blonde haired, blue eyed Mstr3 now looks like a mini junkie. FFS.

I spent almost an hour Googling beef slow cooker recipes, as I wanted to try something a little different.  I finally settled on a satay, courtesy of the Planning Queen.

Unfortunately the instructions did not specify "Yo, dumbass - you, over there - the one distracted by Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest.  It's great that you've gone to all that effort to research a new recipe.  You've made it your own, lovingly prepared it and whacked it all in the slow cooker....now how's about turning the slow cooker on at the power point?"

I only realised as I went to dish up, right at dinner o'clock. FFS.

We ended up using the remaining peanut butter and had sandwiches instead.  And if you recall my last dinner fail - yes, once again I split open the Kiddy Omega3 fish oil tablets and mixed them in with the peanut butter so that dinner was officially full of vital brain food, so that my kids will grow grey matter far superior to my own, capable of remembering to check that the power is on before smugly congratulating themselves on having dinner done and dusted 6 hours before it is required....

Image credit

Dinner is served


I frequently swear.  I've tried really hard to stop using "shed words" around The Feral Threesome.  I thought I was doing well, until....

Example 1:
Miss6 threatening Miss3 in the toy room the other morning:

"If you don't give me that Barbie right NOW, I will go POSTAL on you!"

Can only imagine how that one goes over in the school playground with the teachers listening in. FFS.

Example 2:
Miss3 to #1Hubby when denied the iPad:

"Chris, don't be a wonker. Just get it, okay?"

Said calmly.  Complete with eye roll and hands on hips.  She is the epitome of a mini-me. I was all kinds of proud, after pretending to be horrified.  I will have to work on her speech, so that she can correctly pronounce wanker.

Example 3:
Mstr3 to Miss3 on her refusing to hand over the piece of banana she was chewing:

"Give it to me Liv!  Give it to me you FLUCK!"

This time I'm concerned about Daycare, and any child who dares touch his beloved banana from the morning tea platter.  Those fluckers....

Just quietly - I'm not sure if he was going for fuck, as in fuck you; or suck, as in you suck.  Either way, another stellar representation of my parenting. FFS.

The little fluckers are totally ruining my good public image. FFS.

Swearing Fail: Proof that you don't really have your listening ears on when Mummy's talking





32 comments:

  1. hahaha this cracked me up, once again! Was he heart-broken about his hair or did he take it well?

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  2. Hahaha, oh dear. We go the clippers in our house, too (the first time I took Mr 5 to the hairdresser's, we left with a $5 discount on a $15 haircut ... and only half a head of cut hair ... he was terrified). At least this way we save money (Mr Bite'Em does the clippers too) so I can go to the nice hairdresser down the street :)

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  3. The shaving incident happened to my nephew too... at least it grows back. I too indulge in a bit of NYC housewives (and OC, and actually all of them)- will remind myself to check numbers before commencing clipping...

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  4. Fluck and wonker are too darn cute to be outlawed. They are not TECHNICALLY swear words....

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  5. This is true. I'm positive they are mere days from perfecting their pronunciation, at which point they will become words only whispered to Mummy and to Pop. Since we're the most amused by inappropriate toddler swearing.

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  6. I love me some all the Housewives of all the world! I haven't hit Miami or Beverley Hills yet - I fear that if I was to commit to those, I would never see the light of day again by the time I finished watching just one week's worth of all the series' episodes.

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  7. Exactly my logic! I have a son, so he can have the DIY home hair cut treatment. Then the two girls love going to the mens barber with my Dad, so it's like Pop's day out and therefore he always refuses payment. All of that means Mummy here can go to a hairdresser a few times a year!

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  8. He's rockin the hard core look. It's like he's channeled his inner cool rock boy or something (as opposed to his usual princessy girly man self). Maybe I should keep it at a #1 so that he remembers he's a boy!

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  9. hahaha I love the ecard, totes made my day. If I don't win the jackpot on Monday night I will shout out 'flucking wonkers'. Be prepared.

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  10. The ecard is priceless! I've made the same mistake with the slow cooker, and i've also wasted time waiting for toast to pop up and the kettle to boil.
    My toddler's given me some giggles with mispronoced words too - the funniest was "Mummy! the baby is shitting on the carpet!" - thankfully she meant sitting.. X

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  11. Oh that made me giggle. I remember my shock at "the stupid bucking teebee is bonky and broken" (where did he pick that up) but I am now dealing with a 5yo asking "Do me a solid and get me a peanut butter sandwich."

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  12. That was a good giggle, thank you. I have pulled the slowcooker cord out to plug in the kettle to make myself a cuppa, only to return at dinnertime to a half cooked meal.. Oh FFS!! :)
    Have a great weekend!

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  13. OMG, wonker, that's classic! Love it! And the slow cooker thing is so totally something I would do when Dave dare trusts me to get dinner prepared. Needless to say that doesn't happen very often!

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  14. HAHA LOVE IT LOVE IT!!! I often forget to turn on my slow cooker... and hear my lil ones say rude words when they aren't suppose to... fabby FFS post!!!


    Popping by via FYBF :)

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  15. You know, I have read your blog so many times cause I'm kind of a silent stalker that way, and never once have I wanted to judge your parenting like I have today.
    I mean seriously, how can you be proud of this?
    Work on getting them to say the words properly, and you might earn back my respect ok? ;)

    (And just in case, that was totally said sarctically and I still love you and will continue to stalk you. I'm going to put a whole bunch of kisses here for proof. Xxxxxx)

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  16. OMG Jess, I started reading it and I was like....well, it was only a matter of time before someone was disgusted enough in my parenting to let me have it. Then I saw it was you, and I was thinking...but I never thought it'd be Jess! Too funny! I'll try and get a bit of You Tube footage when they do master the art of crass swearing, heh xxx

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  17. Thanks Yvette. It's always nice to know people are laughing and not gasping in shock and horror!

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  18. Clearly I need to repeat my dinner fail, so that #1Hubby takes over the bulk of the cooking. Of course that would mean savoury mince / spaghetti bol / meatballs every single night, but I think I'm ok with that if it means I don't have to cook...

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  19. Ohh I would absolutely do that too. I'll add that to my mental checklist for next time! Or maybe invest in one of those safety lock-out tags, so that I know not to pull the plug out while it's on (or, in my case, meant to be on).

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  20. OMG, do me a solid - that is awesome! I love it!

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  21. Toaster and kettle too? That's gold! I'm so very pleased the baby was sitting and not shitting. I wonder what word she'd use if the bub was sitting and shitting? Fingers crossed you never ever have to find out!

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  22. Please do. I'll join in with a few muttered "flucking fluckers....what a bunch of wonkers...." - In my never-ending quest for lucky bingo bits and pieces I have invested in new texta's...woo to the hoo!

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  23. OMG so much LOL. My mum did the mess up with the clippers, not on my brother but on ME. So to complete my drugged up on psych meds look I now had a number 1 haircut to go with it. I totes did the shaved head before Britney made it cool.
    My 3yo is constantly saying 'For fucks sake', every time he does I am caught between whether to tell him off or congratulate him on using it in the correct context.

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  24. Hahaha! At least you went as far as preparing dinner and thought you had it cooking, that is bonus points in my book, for trying!! Such a funny post, literally made me lol!

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  25. I can't tell you how many times I've forgotten to switch the power point ON and we're all eating takeaway. Complete flucking fail.
    Love your work, woman! :) x

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  26. Doing a lovely roast tonight - far too pricey for our regular meal budget - Hubby is all kinds of fretting (already, before 9am) that I'll forget to turn the oven on and waste a prime piece of meat. I told him that he could stick his head in the oven to check if it's on.....

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  27. Exactly, right? It's the thought that counts. And I thought I was being all kinds of awesome on the domestic front. Glad you enjoyed the post!

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  28. OMG I would have that on my resume "I made the shaved head look cool before Britney went cray-cray". Regarding the 3yo - I would go with a combination of both. A stern face, a bit of a "tsk-tsk", followed by a fist bump or High 5 for correct context. Because context is important.

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  29. I dont swear (much) in front of my kids, but gee why can they hear those words but cant hear the words "Pick up your towel, pick up your wet clothes, put your clean clothes away" ?? Why cant they hear "Wash the dishes" !! Love how your little one says the F word :)

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  30. Hahaha, I love it! Firstly, slow cooker, how annoying! All that effort for nothing, I would have wanted to punch myself in the face! And the children's shed words... hilarious! I struggle with not sharing the nasties with my kiddies. My 4yr old has started saying "Holy crap" because that was my way of PG'ing my language, but it still doesn't sound good from a 4yr old. Ah well. You win some, you lose some.

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  31. I'd be pretty cool with "holy crap". Mine have pulled out "crapping crappers" from time to time. "Holy crap" has a much more respectable ring to it.

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  32. Exactly! Selective hearing clearly starts young.

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