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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Moving to America: Decisions made while highly medicated and slightly intoxicated

It has come to my attention, via some awesome cable TV style schooling, that I must up and move from Oz to the US of A.

I have no family in America.

I only know a few peeps over that side of the planet.

There will be schools and jobs to find, housing, visas, all that shiz.

Still, we must move.

All because of one TV series.


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I would rock the shit out of coupon clipping.

I would own it and make it my bitch Nanny (because I need a Nanny more than I need a bitch). 

Blows my mind that someone could walk out of a grocery store with trolley loads full of stuff and have the supermarket give them a few dollars back once all the coupons have been used. 

Word, Einstein. Word.
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Do they have wine and vodka coupons?

Is there a night school training course on maximising one's coupon cutting knowledge and skills?

Could I get my own TV show if I was to move to the States and become a Master Couponer?  Be crowned a Couponess?

While I've been wallowing in the pits of man flu hell, living on Maltesers and M&M's, wine and medication (it's been a total riot, yo), this is what has consumed my thoughts as I trawl through my Foxtel iQ box of recorded reality TV gems.

I've always wondered which reality TV show would suit me best.

I have found it - extreme shopping for next to nothing, a refund even, if you're lucky.'s like being paid to shop.

I am beside myself.

Also, moving to the USA would bring me that little bit closer to being beside George Clooney. Heh.

Seriously, people: All that liquor and a Nespresso in hand - it was meant to be. We belong together. You could should complete me, George.
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  1. I am an American expat and just returned from 3 weeks to visit made me laugh out loud (in that wonderfully loud Alabama way that makes the nice quiet people of my neighbourhood flinch). Thought I would share with you another amazing American experience.

    Super Target - buy ANYTHING you want. . . . Groceries, Wine, Beer, super strong headache pills, Hello Kitty clothing, electronics, toys, home furnishings, and they have a $1 aisle. You will be able to bribe the children to behave impeccably for a mere $2 and hit that aisle up on the way out. Enjoy your shopping with a super super sized Starbucks that is actually lodged inside Super Target. (Its all just so damn SUPER!)
    At the end of it all as you stand there to pay, you will be asked "Do you have any coupons?" If a look of terror mingled with disappointment crosses your face (as it did mine), the really nice check out lady/man will usually pull open a secret sweet little drawer and offer you a few.
    I miss coupons, I miss doing all my errands in an afternoon under one roof, with a super super sized Starbucks. I miss my family and buying wine at the grocery store when I go to pick up bread and milk. But Australia is my home, and I love it. Don't leave, just save those pennies to visit America and shop like crazy once every year or so! : )

  2. OMG I must go there. Nay, I must move in next door to there. It sounds like my perfect utopia.

    This is on my list to hit hard when I go to there next year.

  3. OMG YES take me with you!

    I saw your post title this morning when I was getting the kids ready and literally had a small panic attack. WTF, why is she moving??

    Now I completely understand. I have always been jealous of those coupons!

    Bingo and coupons is all I need to retire happily.

  4. You are almost right - bingo, coupons AND a casino. Sigh.

  5. Pmsl
    The reality show that I think I would be best suited for would have to be Hoarders ( I'm a terrible organizer of stuff).
    Im still waiting for Aldi to arrive in Perth. I went there while in melb in feb and everything was soooooo CHEAP!! Was totally surprised when I saw wa wines in the alco section.
    Aldi and Costco, then I would be happy.


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