I can't possibly write a blog post today, because I'm too busy solo-parenting. FFS!?
I took The Feral Threesome on a road trip to the #1Grandparents' house on Wednesday for a sort of extra-long, long weekend.
That is a solid 2 1/2 days of solo-parenting. FFS!?
#1Hubby arrives some time late this afternoon, after work.
At which point I'll be able to whine, pout, throw my hands in the air (like I just don't care) and hand over the bulk of the parenting. No FFS.
He will arrive late. Claiming traffic and work and other such shit. FFS!?
But until such time, I am far too busy to write a blog post.
I'm consumed by such parenting gems as:
Miss4: "Mummy! Guess what? I've done 4 poos today!"
Me: "Wow. 4!? Wait...I thought it was 3?"
Miss4: "Hahahahahaha....you can't find it!"
Oh. Dear. Vodka. Gods. FFS!?
Mstr4: "Mummy! Mummy! Mummy! Aaargh! Mummy!"
Me: "What!? What!? What?!?!?!"
Mstr4: "The wind** is trying to get me Mummy! Make it stop! MAKE IT STOPPPPP!!"
Me: "Oh FFS!?"
**The #1Grandparents live in a coastal town north of Perth called Lancelin. It is famous for its windy conditions, and is one of the windiest coastal towns on the planet. So windy, in fact, that it hosts the world's biggest windsurfing competition each year. In January. This month. The one we're currently experiencing.
But I'll go turn the wind off so that it doesn't send Mstr4 into yet another girly man tantrum. FFS!?
Miss7: "Hey Mummy, you know what?"
Me: "What love?"
Miss7: "Nah, don't worry...you won't know"
Me: "Beg pardon? What? Tell me?"
Miss7: "No it's ok. You won't know..."
Me: "But you're only SEVEN. To you, I should still know EVERYTHING!?"
FFS!?
But, anyway, I can't possibly blog until #1Hubby arrives, and we do that little dance...
#1Hubby: "OMG, I had the worst day. I was sooo busy. I had sooo much to do. It was crazy"
Me: "Oh you poor love...had a busy day?"
#1Hubby: "You have no idea. I'm exhausted"
Me: "So you had a crazy busy day at your nice quiet desk, in your nice quiet office, with your nice cafe-quality
espresso machine, surrounded by independently-functioning adults?..."
#1Hubby: "Ahhh....here we go"
Me: "HAVE YOU MET YOUR CHILDREN!?!?!?"
FFS!?
Children who are all awesomeness incarnate, obviously.
They just also know when we're a man down, and their killer instincts kick in when they know I'm completely out-numbered. FFS!?
So anyway I can't blog right now, but I'll be back in a few days when the vodka kicks in, the trauma fades, and the sleep deprivation is rectified.
Did you find it???
ReplyDeleteSolo-parenting is all kind of just effing super... here's hoping #1Hubby thinks forward enough to be beaten through the door by the extra-large bottle of wine he's bought his amazeballs wife.
It's with a mix of fear and relief that I say - No, I did not find it. But it would totally be just like Miss4 to be screwing with me just for laughs. I believe it is what is called a phantom poo.
DeleteHusbands hey? Enjoy that vodka, you certainly sound like you have deserved it
ReplyDeleteOf course I could justify vodka even if I haven't earnt it. But in this case I have. And I did, thank you ;-)
DeleteGotta love solo-parenting ................... not ! Used to drive me nuts when A was working in Taiwan and I had to do it solo - and I only had one !!!!
ReplyDeleteHope you survive and have a great Australia Day weekend !
Me
I am in awe of fly-in / fly-out partners and single parents. No clue how they do it. But, the end is near and I've managed with little more than a few extra wrinkles and a hoarse voice!
DeleteSoloing sucks balls. Drink all the vodka and don't even look for the missing poo till your husband arrives! May the force be with you. :)
ReplyDeleteI've had to come back to the city to work today, so I've told Miss4 to tell her father about the alleged missing poo today while I'm not there to help.
DeleteI totes call bullshit! Either that or #1Grandparents need the sack! What else are grandies for if not offloading children on to? :) Drive safe x
ReplyDeleteThey need the sack. Or better training.
DeleteActually I shouldn't speak badly about them, they've just agreed to some stellar grandparenting that I can't tell you about on here, lest I ruin a surprise because it would be the first time #1Hubby decided to read my blog (and even then, probably only because he saw you'd commented).
Ah I know "joys" of solo parenting all too well :) Hope you get a bit of a breather once hubby's back!
ReplyDeletexx
I virtually launched them at him like 3 projectile missiles as he approached the doorway!
DeleteI am bringing in a new rule this year that everynight of solo parenting I do equals 1 week of holidays for me in Fiji or any other tropical destination. By the end of Feb I will be up to about 10 weeks!! I actually don't mind a bit of solo parenting, I get the kids in bed early then have uniterrupted computer/tv time bliss!!
ReplyDeleteI am so in. If you need me, I'll be living in my Bali villa for at least 2 months on the amassed time off thanks to #1Hubby's regular work trips.
DeleteGreat job mumma!!! Not easy! Here is to off loading the kids to hubby and having a break when he gets home xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm going to make him my bitch, don't worry. Drinks runner, babysitter, hunter/gatherer/cooker, everything.
DeleteI think I am going to steal your commenter Ann's rule as I'll be able to book myself away on a nice month long solo holiday at years end I am sure!
ReplyDeleteKids smell our weakness and go for the jugular. I feel your pain, enjoy the offloading to #1Hubby
I think there needs to be a tropical island just for Mum's who've accrued time off via this system. All inclusive. No questions asked. Free to mothers who have done their solo-parenting time.
DeleteI feel your pain. Although you could spend your recent bingo winnings on a babysitter, and hit the local pub to play Chase the Ace until the cows come home.
ReplyDeleteI'm saving those winnings for some industrial strength undies for when we hit the US baby! Not really. I'd rather go in comfort. I'm thinking of spending it on multiple pairs of disposable regular undies so that I don't need to worry about washing while we're away - take and toss!
DeleteI totally LOVE your blog. I took my 3 to my parents solo, it was a bloody shit fight!!! Voddy is my mate also! And then when I moan about it he says 'oh they're not that bad'' well that's because I am usually there in the wings to sort shit out if he can't! Emily xx
ReplyDeleteThanks lovely!
DeleteAnd they're always slightly less feral by the time their father arrives, am I right?
And of course I still have to hover and intercept before #1Hubby has a total meltdown. I think I need to train him better.
how come they know when we are out numbered!! And how come they are able to wear us down so much :)
ReplyDeleteBut gee the sound of handing it over to hubby, and get stuck into Red Wine sounds like something I should try!
Hope you have a better week ahead.
LMAO! I did solo parenting at my parents' once. NEVER AGAIN! It was the most stressful 3 days of my entire life. I was in denial thinking grandparents would be a great help. They ended up being more troublesome than the twins!
ReplyDelete