So Chux, sponsor of awesome, currently have a brilliant competition called The Great Cleaning Debate.
I'm hesitant to share it with you because, in my mind, I've already spent the $5,000 first prize. It went on a Nanny, some good quality vodka, and a bottle of Veuve Cliquot. I am determined the good stuff will one day pass these lips, even if it's by covertly sampling someone else's while they're not looking. Or osmosis.
Unfortunately for me, I'm not allowed to enter, and so I'll continue to throw back Passion Pop and cask wine while dreaming about the Nanny that could've been.
I have consoled myself by watching #1Hubby work up a sweat. Kind of like the Cleaner that could've been, if only I'd planned and budgeted better and had even an iota of a clue of exactly how much mess and destruction three kids could inflict every. single. day.
Since I can't enter, let me still
inflict up share with you my own personal Great Cleaning Debate...and anyone who thinks it worthy of $5,000 is welcome to cough up.
I consider myself to be the smartest, most cunning and calculating in the family. And if you knew my family, that is indeed no mean feat, and something I'm quite proud of.
In the early years, it was easy to convince #1Hubby to do stuff. Back in ye olde days when he was still trying to impress me. Flash forward 16 years and it now requires some covert tactics and the gentle art of passive persuasion.
Example: I hate ironing. With a passion. I'd rather watch a 24hr Justin Bieber marathon than iron a week's washing. Maybe.
Issue: While I get around the house in an extensive collection of black and white Tshirts that don't really need ironing, #1Hubby goes to work in businessy attire that must be ironed.
Solution: Crank the iron to maximum temperature and set that sucker down on a white shirt and watch it sizzle just one time and you're not allowed to iron ever again.
Example: I hate vacuuming. Even more than ironing. To avoid this, not only would I watch a 24hr Justin Bieber marathon, but I'd do it at a live concert where Billy Ray Cyrus and Miley were doing a father daughter duet as his opening act....wait for it....with encore.
Issue: We have 3 kids and a cat. And a sandpit that is intent on moving indoors, one grain at a time. If we don't vacuum at least every few days, we may as well don bathers and pretend we live at the beach, on account of the layer of sand that builds up every day.
Solution: Accidentally whack his beloved TV a couple times with the end of the vacuum as you studiously vacuum in front of the TV in the dying minutes of a Carlton Football Club match, and #1Hubby's beside himself with fear of losing his most treasured possession at the hands of my severely unco-ordinated self. With the added benefit of the vacuum noise drowning out his frustrated "requests" for you to move or wait just five minutes for the game to end. So effective I didn't even realise we'd bought a new vacuum until I saw it in the shed and asked whose it was.
So you see, I'm quite the expert at passive coercion. No begging, pleading, nagging, bargaining.
Except, I think I've been outdone.
And it's been happening for all of our 16 years, and I've only recently found out about it.
Example: He hates washing. So much that he'd probably rather sit and listen to me drunk and gushing about my epic night out while he'd stayed home with the toilet training twins, sober.
Issue: I don't mind it, but I don't want to do all of it myself. Heaven forbid!
Solution: In the very early days of our relationship he would go out of his way to find a dark coloured garment that would be guaranteed to run in a hot wash. He'd stick it in with the white's, claiming he hadn't seen it or didn't realise it would run. For good measure, he'd often include a few tissues, for the "snowy / dandruff" effect. As a result, we spent a few weeks getting around in a uniform of browny/blacky/tye died/tissue bit covered clothing. Until I stepped in and took over all laundry duties. Forever.
And I only found out when I overheard him providing this piece of marital advice to a young relative about to tie the knot.
I freaking love that man. Sometimes, he surprises me and is even more calculating than I. Keeps the spark in the relationship, no?
Get thee over to the Chux Facebook page and enter the competition with your own Great Cleaning Debate.
Not only are Chux a sponsor of awesome, they are an uber generous sponsor of awesome.
Just look at what they sent me [insert choir ohhhhhhhhh or whatever that sound is when something impressive is revealed]
Go ahead and pretend you're not jealous. It is the mother load of cleaning products. It is also a whopping great saving on our grocery bill, which I have already allocated to shoes and wine for DPCon12. Which kind of means I should thank Chux twice for their sponsorship, since all of this has enabled me to extend it to a new pair of shoes. Much obliged Chux!
Don't even get me started on how psyched #1Hubby was when he opened the enormous package. Because as soon as he saw who it was from, he literally hip and shouldered me out of the way like a footy player diving for the ball.
I feigned protest, and tried to pace myself before casually suggesting he try some of it out.
And so, following his very first Chux review, I give you #1Hubby's now very learned and experienced review on the following items of awesome, with irritating follow-up commentary from yours truly (because I hate to feel unneeded, outshone, or downright redundant):
He said : Perfect for the soap scum that coats shower screens, and hairspray misfire all over the mirrors (seriously, how hard is it to aim at your head when you spray?).
I said : Sadly, not suitable for wrinkles or under eye baggage.
He said : Texta begone! I also used it on my faux leather laptop bag and the softer blue side got rid of the crayon perfectly.
I said : Not suitable for faux leather shoes with red wine stains. Oh well. Refer to earlier reference to new shoes requirement.
He said : Yep, works well. (He was a little bit pissed that I wasn't using his original comment).
I said : Insert eye roll over #1Hubby's original hard surface cleaning suggestion. Men...
He said : Yeah, they're good. They work. What do you want from me? The cricket's on! (At this point I had maxed out both his stamina and his manly attention span. And realised he was missing the cricket while I sat and watched him clean).
I said : There is nothing more appealing than watching a man clean. Period. Kudos Chux.
And now for the giveaway!
For your chance to win:
- Follow this blog
- Follow the Chux Facebook page
- Comment below with your best tip for "covertly encouraging" others to help with the cleaning
Extra entries available:
Entries close midnight, Tuesday 21st February
The fine print:
Entry open to Australian and New Zealand residents only
Winner announced Wednesday 22nd February
Winner has seven (7) days to respond before I throw a hissy fit, followed by a re-draw
Maximum of three (3) entries:
- Following and commenting